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A lighted blue spirit, the guide, helped me, to find myself on that darkest night of the year. I found my ‘beloved’, whose reflection was painted on my mirror of mind. I didn’t know that beauty, only know her smell, charm and unpedantic heart beat. Simply the blow of kisses on my mind, poised my impure mentality. That Judas touch had made my own breath very warm, the anxious blood was fully tensionless then! I followed her steps, my mind offered a name for her ‘Manashi’.

The dirty, grey path pushed me to step on to the road of self-dependence. The road of life was full of muddy love that night. The simple path touched my inner soul. She was going silently like a cool and mild breeze; her appearance had made my body relaxed. The charmless night was charming with the stars of her ambience. I wasn’t alone, the gravity of reality, muddy path, cool but warm breeze, naivety of that nocturnal sleep and deepest first sight love, was walking with me also. The black long hair of that goddess like figure was ambling down, in the pond as I couldn’t see her clearly. It seemed to me that she was wearing a splendid and reliable frock. Oh! She looked at me with her dark eyes, her eager eyes told me, “Come here, go on. . . “. The ambience there, was stopping me as this wasn’t a right place to making love or having a big conversation. But the real me was still walking towards her, to reach my destiny, fate, life and love. I stopped there to see her. Closing my eyes I said to myself, “I love you. . . “. After crossing the paused pond, she vanished ! Yes, she was vanished in front of eyes ! “Oops, I did a mistake, big mistake again in my life” my mind told me madly. Something near my left chest was telling me to find her, right then or I would not find her again in my entire mundane life. I stepped again, crossed the pond with great difficulty even seeing her fluency to cross the pond. I started a new journey not to follow but to find her again. My chocked mouth told only three words rapidly “Where are you?”, but there was no answer. Suddenly I felt a nice smell coming from somewhere, but the pond was full of wastage. The scent there only ruled was the nice one. I blindly followed the smell which was coming from that unknown source. It was pulling me to carry on my journey. I faced a forest and started to find her there, when I reached the free space in the forest, my eyes were recharged and boosted again. I’d found her luckily. She raised her hand to call me. Again my mind raised to tell me “Where are you going?”, I realized that she was sitting under a “Blue Boletus”, my null mind couldn’t think anything then, but the void love accelerated me to fill the imagery with the girl. I stepped again. With every step the scent grew stronger than before. I was sure none but she was sowing the scent in the air to attract my heart. The place where she was sitting didn’t smell nice ! It was awful like rotten living organisms, but I was getting a tremendous smell with each inhale from the person sitting nearby. I reached to her, she queried if I knew her. Nodded my head to tell her ‘yes’ even I knew I didn’t meet her or saw her in reality but I spoke after a long pause “from time immemorial, I’ve a relation with you, I don’t know how, but I’m sure of that. “ Just a sorrowful silence was her only answer after hearing me. I checked her, I couldn’t see her properly but judged she was an impeccable lady I’d ever seen in my life. Her beautiful dress and scintillating scent was lingering all over the blue backdrop. She was a real beauty from a tale, I thought. The soft bed of that boletus was our mere companion also. She offered me to sit there and asked me a question like she had known me also. “What did you say near the pond ?”, she asked. My heart started to beat rapidly, she asked something which triggered my adrenaline. I geared some power to say, “I. . . I. . . I. . . love you !” She said, “I’ve not heard wrong then. “ She muted again. I looked at her again, her face was downwards, she was thinking, The wind started to blow, her hairs began to move. Like a snake the black but blueish hair tips followed an invisible flute and danced frantically. She broke the reverie and said, “But I can’t. . . “. My canvas turned black and white again with the strokes of ‘Manashi’. I gathered some energy to speak out again, “You know some meetings are preplanned, I’ve to meet with you one day, now or some days later, but the meeting was fixed by someone up there, “ I pointed to the sky and said her the magical word, “Maktub”. After looking at the sky she spoke out in a confused tune, “Egh! Maktub ? What is it ?” I smiled, “It is written”. She gave me a beautiful smile, her bright teeth shone, trust me, I can’t forget this smile in my entire life. She asked me again, “Why do you wander on the road every night ?”, she added, “Your dark circle under the eyes, isn’t a good sign, huh ?” She had seen me before, I said, “Those are the sign of a good fight, which is fought against poverty. “ I smiled again to give her the former answer, “I gather here every night, to walk and think. Like a night walk he he, You can tell me a freak, but I come here to practice thinking and charge myself from the nature !” She smiled again, I’ve told you, her smile was a guileless one. She became more serious and gave me a counter attack, “What is love for you ?” Oh my goodness ! Nobody has asked me this question, I mean no girl. A forever single boy had faced an uneven challenge that night, it was me. I knew a little bit, but tried to answer her, “For me, love is a road which ends never. The road will hurt you, sometime it will turn more harder tune but you can’t stop walking, like a child. If he failed then and stop trying, he can’t stand on his feet now. We change our TV channel when it shows something that doesn’t suit us, but love is a channel, like Gibraltar. It was created to nourish the welfare of both countries. They made it to come closer, but sometime tremendous sea wind had blocked their interconnection. You know they didn’t close the Gibraltar for that reason, for me this love, the language of the universe which has no words, is spread everywhere. Even in you and me !”I gave her a warm smile. Once again the atmosphere turned silent, she looked downwards and told me after a long silence, “I want to share a story with you, you must listen to me, you have to listen as I’ve called you here for that. “ I agreed.

After that she paused again and told me a story. The time was passing steadily as the moon shone brightly among us. She described me a life of a little girl. “She lived with her family, there was her mom, uncles. Her father passed when she was only three years of old. Her father couldn’t give them a sure future as he left a little money. So that her mother worked to run the family and the girl’s uncle help them by giving money. He worked at a government farm. Being unmarried she love her niece very much. He regularly taught her after coming back from office. She was a good student, so he never made her uncle sad. Her uncle supported her education. She loved her uncle very much. But one day her uncle. . . “ I looked at her, some droplets of tear were formed at her face. I stretched my arm and wiped her tears. I’d felt her face, it was cool but as soft as feather. I’d not touched a princess before. I said, “What happened to her uncle tell me ?” She looked up and said, “One night, he was teaching her. That day he looked more serious and mourne than before. She was silent also as she didn’t know how to make him happy. Her uncle touched her hands and said, ‘Come closer to me, you will get good marks than before, just come near’ She was confused, so she remained silent. She woke up next day, her mother and uncle was quarrelling over some matter. She felt uneasy at her abdomen. Her mind told her, something very bad happened to her last night. She wanted to forget the matter. After that day her uncle started to avoid her, he came to teach her but he remained detach from her. He spoke often. The girl didn’t know what was happening to her. He missed love from her mother and her beloved uncle also. She tried to remember, what happened that night. But she can’t, unfortunately. A month passed, she was reading in her room. Suddenly her uncle got into the room with a chocolate in his hand. He sat nearby her, and held her closer. Uncle urged her to take the chocolate, but she disagreed. His face grew red and he forced her again to eat it. She took it but didn’t eat the piece as she wasn’t in the mood of eating. But then her uncle did something odd, which she felt had happened that night also. I don’t want to tell you that. She woke up next day, she was being carried by her uncle. Blood seized from her body. Uncle had thrown her body here where you are sitting. You know, she had life left in her body. But she couldn’t speak. “ Her voice broke down, I felt that she was telling a story which was so close to her. I reached to her to wipe her again, “Why are you crying ? Manashi ?” She looked up with her bright eyes, “What is your name ?” I looked at her eyes and said, “Su. . . sudip” She asked, “You know me?”, I raised my voice to tell her, “Yes, but. . . I don’t know, “ She said to me, “Oh! I thought. . . “ I asked her, “Can you tell me more about the girl ?” She started with a sad but strong tone, “The girl was exploited by her own uncle and given that ‘award’ to hide that unwrapping of clothes. The nasty nailing of the society helped the girl to face another rape again ! The worms of society had crushed the rose after soothing their need. After plucking her each petals she was thrown in an animistic way in this forest, she was still alive but the worms nearby her started to tear his muscles and some were entering into her nose her anus. She realized that she was being eaten again. Both ‘worms’helped her, first one to seize her beautiful life and second to seize her from the bondage of living. She was still alive and seeking for her mother when the worms entered into her scars of ‘rape’. “

Her blue eyes made me crying and the ambience slowly and silently contrasted into coolness. She told me the girl’s name, ‘Manashi’ and told me to look around where I was sitting. I was stoned, my eyes and feelings both came to halt, I forgot who I was or what I was doing there as I saw the half eaten creature whose skeletons were peeping through the rotten muscles. I looked up, in front of me, she wasn’t there ! the ambience became horrified. I saw the dead body again it was she ! Her face was still smiling ! Faint, guileless, but pale and white, I asked that body “Are you Manashi?”, my voice still trembling with an unknown feeling. The body suddenly opened her eyes and closed again !

©Sudip Das gupta

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